My new project.

I'm posting this here for accountability and self-acknowledgement of a problem.

Confession: I have no less than 128 books that I own in my room that I have not read and no less than 32 books of plays, many of which contain between 3 and 10 plays within them. And those are just mine. That's not even including the literal thousands that my father owns and additional 100 or 200 from my mother. And literal 0 from my brother.

Literally none of these are read.

None of the top shelf is read and only half of the bottom shelf is.

How did this come to be? Well, pure good fortune and a little bit of money. That many books/play probably sounds like quite the investment, but it really wasn't. First of all, most of these have been accumulated in the past 6 years or so, primarily from one source. My church. My church has a yearly book sale at which paperbacks are $1 and hardbacks are $2. That's where nearly all of these books came from. An added bonus is that my mom works at that church and at that book sale, so I can obtain these books...basically whenever.

But I don't read. Like, hardly ever. So these books have just stacked up.

These are the only ones that are read. Except for the ones stacked on the right. Those are TBR.

Or didn't, I guess is the operative word. Because this summer, I'm trying to play catch up. This will be a series on this blog so that I can feel some sense of accomplishment along the way. So I'm going to try to do some of the posts that 'booktubers' do, such as 'wrap-ups' and 'TBRs'. Maybe an in-depth review if something is amazingly good.

Now I'm going to delve into a bit of storytime. If I'm not a reader, how have I come to own so many books? Well, simply put, may of us idealize the people that we are. I've always fancied myself quite the bookwormish nerd, despite the few books that fell into my hands. It was an image for myself that I didn't think too hard about. But, if I thought this about myself, why didn't I do anything to make it true?

Well, I tried. But two things got in the way. I read a little in high school, but got caught up my sophomore year on one book. Wicked by Gregory Maguire. It took me a year to read (in which time I read very few other books if any...don't remember.) And I hated it, despite my blind adoration of musical theatre and the fact that I saw the Broadway musical within that time. But I need to finish things, so by golly, I finished it before I cast it aside, never to touch it ever again. That was definitely a roadblock.

The next roadblock is far more embarrassing. Fanfiction. I stumbled upon it when I was twelve and we got real internet (instead of dial-up) and I was hooked. I've been an avid reader of fanfiction ever since. A few years ago, I finally discovered why fanfiction always won out for me over books. While the quality of fanfiction is overwhelmingly bad--it takes a lot of time to dig up a diamond in the rough, but they are there--and books tend to be good, what with having to go through being published and all that, it came down to one simple truth that I can't refute even today. An amazing fanfiction is always going to be better than an equally amazing book, because you care about the characters more from the the get-go. Because you're seeking out those specific characters and, in all likelihood, pairing/relationship, because you already love it. So books were screwed going into this.

So yeah, I prefer my favorite fanfictions to my favorite books and have reread them numerous times. If I had to save one of them in a fire (assuming that was the only way to read both of them, lolol) I would save the fanfictions.

Obviously, the point of that story is that I essentially gave up reading books for reading internet trash. Not a fair trade, given a lot of the trash I've read, but some of these fanfictions have been truly unbelievably well-written and I've made some excellent friends through my fandoms, so I can't complain. But now it's time to pay it back to these books I've been neglecting.

To structure this for myself--as I'm a person who thrives on structure, especially self-imposed structure--I have made some rules for myself regarding reading. They are as follows:

1. Every other book I read must be a play

2. Only every 4th book/play can be one that I've read before.

3. No more than 1 non-fiction book in a row (this is not including the plays, obviously)

4. No more than 1 potato chip read in a row (these being overly-easy books.)

Crazy to most, I know, but it works for me. I suggest these kinds of rules for others who like structure to enforce reading more important books like biographies or renowned works of literature. But don't do it if it becomes too much of a chore. I will quit if it does as well.

Unfortunately, I've already strayed by checking out a lot of library books...But as soon as I'm done with those, it's onward and upwards for project read-my-dang-books-2016. Or RMDB2016. Posting my May wrap-up tomorrow.

Do you overeat? Me too. Hey, let's work on that.

Right off the bat, I have to say that I do not want to be giving this advice to people who are already in some way, in any way limiting what they eat. I am not on a diet, I am not trying to lose weight, I simply want to stop eating when I'm bored or when I, for whatever reason, get the urge to eat. Please eat if you're hungry and are able to; there are many people who don't have that luxury.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about our problem. This is not binge-eating disorder (BED) this is just a casual problem that, in my case, doesn't have any adverse effects on my physically right now as a 20-year-old who works out, but it likely will when my metabolism slows down in the years to come. I eat when I'm bored. I eat when I have a craving. I eat after looking at food blogs on the internet. I eat when I watch TV. I eat if food is around. I don't quit eating after I'm already full. And, lastly, I feel obligated to eat all of the food that I get in one sitting if the other option is just to throw it away (buffets and school dining halls).

While I am not currently experiencing the degree of success that I would like to, I do have a few methods that have been helping, and I would like to share them with the world.

1. Cool it with the pre-prepared food.

It's handy to have frozen chicken nuggets handy at all times. They taste awesome and they're quick and they satisfy just about everyone. But I find that something that really helps me (and it tends to be healthier, as you're controlling exactly what is going into your body) is making your own food.

Gasp! Crazy concept, right? But I really mean it. I know this isn't new info, but just take a second to think about it.

I'm not only talking about full meals. I'm more so talking about snacks. Because what can be the most dangerous is taking that bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos into your room as you're streaming something from Netflix and then, poof! The bag is never heard from again. You aren't even thinking about it. One second the bag is there and the next you're crumpling it up and tossing it into the trashcan. And missing because you're completely supine in your bed.

I suggest finding either snacks that fill the sensation of wanting to munch on something (sugar snap peas or carrots come to mind immediately) but don't taste quite good enough to binge on. 

Or prepare your own personal appetizers to munch on. The other day, I fried up some tofu with melted cheese and wilted spinach on top. Relatively healthy, quite tasty and, most importantly, very time consuming. Now obviously I am a person with some time on her hands currently and that's why I'm filling the void with food. If this is you, then follow my lead and prepare your own snacks instead of buying the ready-made ones. Because, if they're not in the house, then they won't be in your mouth. If you don't have the time, then how are you eating so much anyway?

2. Drink. But not your calories!

People are so unaware nowadays of how much they're drinking their calories. That Starbucks drink? Yeah, the one currently condensating on your desk. Do you know how much sugar is in that? Prepare to frighten yourself. Or that cocktail last night or that juice that you had with breakfast. None of that is very good for you and you don't even think about it because it's not a meal!

Solution: fill the daily drinks in your life with healthier replacements and then return to them only as occasional indulgences.

Now, I have the good fortune of not liking a lot of drinks. I don't drink any alcohol by personal choice, so that's a great health benefit right there, but I also don't like most juice, smoothies, tea, or coffee. I still drink them, but only occasionally. Most people are not as lucky as me and have one of these liquids as their water.

First, think about why you're drinking them and then go from there.

Me? I like to get coffee from a local Starbucks-esque coffee shop to nurse while I read a good book or do some writing. I still do that occasionally--no more than once a week--but most of the time now I head home and drink some lemon water instead.

 

My lemon water!

Note: I despise lemon water.

It does not taste great. But it's good for you, it's an appetite suppressant, it has a good amount of vitamin C, and it fills the ambience I need for an activity while I read/write. It's a great solution. Now, this might not be what best suits your life, but it's an example. The main moral of the story is: have something basically calorie-less that you can have by your side instead of seeking out food. I suggest something like lemon-water (or cucumber water or maybe even a tea that's not too sweetened) or actual water. Just something to fix that oral urge of yours when you're not actual hungry.

3. Portion size!

Remember that bag of Doritos that didn't quite make it into the wastebasket? Well, it probably wouldn't have been that bad if the portion size hadn't been all wrong. I'm going to make this one quick. If you lack self-control, as I do, make a suitable portion size before you leave the kitchen (dump whatever it is either into a bowl or a bag) and then leave the kitchen. Don't go back.

Tips for this: invest in smaller bowls for your meals. With a smaller bowl, there is less temptation to shove the rest of that lasagna into the bowl and therefore into you.

Always go smaller than you think that you want, especially if you're hungry. Because you can go back and get more, but you'll probably end up satisfied with the smaller amount that you give yourself anyway. I promise.

4. Know what your triggers are.

If one of your triggers is looking at  food on the internet, just don't. It's as simple as that. Unfollow all of those blogs on tumblr and pinterest and only look up recipes when you really need them. Et cetera. If you know what your triggers are, then it's easier to avoid them.


5. Keep food out of your room. Keep it in the kitchen!

Now this one can be tough if you're living in a dorm room. But other than that, you have no excuse! If you're hiding food from someone, maybe you need to consider the fact that you really should be hiding it from yourself. I find myself eating when food is available. So, simply, make yourself work a little harder for it.

 

 These are literally right next to my bed right now. Don't do this!

6. Last but not least. Don't buy it just because it looks good.

As I touched on before, if it's not in your house, then you won't eat it. I happen to have the misfortune of living in a house with people with very different tastes and very little self-control when it comes to eating. My brother has the appetite of a hippo and the taste sophistication of a three-year-old. So we have endless frozen food for him to munch on. Then my prediabetic dad has the appetite of a hippo with the tastes of...the whole world. So we have the whole world. And my poor mother tries to cater to all of us. I bring more fruits and vegetables into the house, but we are all to blame for the constant array of baked goods.

Again, long story short: You don't need the sugary cereal, and if you do need it, you only need one. You only need one desert in the house at a time and if truly necessary, one desert for each person in the house. I could not tell you how much chocolate is currently in my house, much less the amount currently in my drawer. Don't impulse-buy. Go into the grocery store with a list and don't buy food at stores you're not intending to buy food from. Simple as that. And not buying food is never a missed opportunity, I promise. It will never be a long-standing regret.

If you take these ideas (not rules!) under consideration, you will be so proud of yourself every time you make the smarter decision. And soon that pride will be intoxicating. And then, before long, you'll choose that over the food.

 

First Kisses, Prudes, and Timing.

I am so sick of your first kiss meaning anything about you. I am so sick of it defining you. I am so sick of it being something that you wait for and that you will matter a little more when you have it. Confession time.

I am 20, about to be a junior in college, and I haven't had my 'real' first kiss.

Yes, my lips have touched the lips of others, but they were stage kisses. I'm an actor; it happens. I've kissed a couple of boys many times, but that's not what one's 'real' first kiss is. Because we were told when to kiss, for how long, how it was supposed to look, and more by some older man. And am I ashamed that that's what my first kiss was?

Yes. Absolutely.

But I shouldn't be.

Your first kiss or the first time you have sex or when you happen to get married is not a reflection of your character. It doesn't make you--or me--a prude. It doesn't even mean the things that you now think are fair to assume about me. It's logical to assume that I'm a prude (believe me, I'm not), very picky (why yes, I am), shy (I can be; it depends), I'm not a party girl (I'm not, but I attend college parties on the regular and dress in a way where just everything is hanging out for the world to see).

These qualities aren't one's that you can fairly guess over one cursory piece of knowledge. The fact that someone wanting to kiss me and me wanting to kiss someone aren't two motivations that have intersected yet doesn't say anything definite about me. So why do I continue to be embarrassed? Why does this continue to be a topic that I avoid like the plague even with my closest, oldest friends who definitely know the truth?

Well, society. And people. Oops, I guess that's also society.

I live with sporadically promiscuous roommates. That's hard to live with when you haven't even had your first date yet (save for that skate night in 6th grade, but we don't count that). And also, when you lack experience, people who don't refuse to take your advice or even listen to your words when you talk to them about anything sexual or romantic. I don't know about you, but that makes me feel like a loser. A little virgin.

But it shouldn't.

Regardless of the fact that people should be taking your words like they take anyone else's--that is: under thoughtful consideration--you shouldn't feel badly. Your thoughts are just as valid as anyone else's. And if you don't have physical experience, that just means that you have a different and, frankly, much more rare perspective.

Long story short, you are not a prude. And if this isn't your situation, you're not a slut. Male, female, or genderqueer. And I'm not a prude. Even if this haunting kiss doesn't come for another 10 years. (Which, please don't let it.)

It's all in the timing. The fact that things having turned out for me the way that  they do in the movies isn't my fault and it isn't the fault of the boys in the world. It's just a matter of timing. And I don't want to kiss some random boy at a party; I've been given the opportunity. So I'm willing to wait because that's what I want. And I have the freedom to do that.

So do what you want. Of course, regarding things of this nature, make sure that 'what you want' has been thought over heavily by you and you know profoundly why you want it. And when through with that, suck face with whomever you please!

Something new.

Alrighty. I haven't posted on this blog in nearly two years. And, for all intents and purposes, now it will never be 'this blog' again. I'm changing the game. But I'm not changing the name, because Just Make It Up seems even more appropriate now than it was then. I don't expect for anyone to follow this. And if you used to follow it for my makeup stuff, feel free to unfollow. This is more going to be my online diary. I just have so many interests that I want to put into the world, but keep hesitating on making a youtube channel because I want anonymity and the freedom to ramble about endlessly different topics.

So I'm back where I was five years ago. Five years ago, when I was still in high school, I wanted to create a youtube beauty channel, like I had planned on doing since I was 13. But I was afraid and wanted to dip my toes into the water to feel it out. So I made a blog first, so that not quite so much of me was blatantly showing.

Now I'm following in the footsteps of 15-year-old me, and starting a blog. Not because I want this to grow into anything else, but because I want to feel like I'm putting this out there for people to see, without having to worry about them actually seeing it. Is that cowardice? In a way, yes. But in another way, it's bravery, because it's a new step forward. And that's all that I'm trying to do as I find my sea legs in this world.

In case anyone is reading and wondering what this blog will be filled with, here are my current thoughts:

First of all, my thoughts. I'm sure there will be plenty of endless ramblings where I just like the sound of my own voice, even though  it's not even being spoken. Topics that I think I have an important thing to say about, even though they've been said before, and probably more eloquently. But that's okay. I plan to spitball about musical theatre (my life's passion and work right now), writing, peace in life, reading, books, plays, people, maybe makeup and fashion, etc, etc.

Now, if anyone stumbles upon this, I adore thoughtful conversation. But I don't need for that to happen. What I want more is that if anyone does find this and decide to take a gander, I just hope that something I say is thought provoking. Because that's what I'm trying to do for myself; I'm trying to make more thoughts to make more of me.

Thank you for allowing me this opportunity for myself, world and Blogger.

Random Nails of the Day!

Alrighty, these aren't particularly interesting, but they've been in my unpublished pictures folder forever and I really need to upload them so that they are not there anymore.

And yes, I know it's been forever. I will try to take some eyeshadow picture! It's summer, so I have no excuse. And I do have ideas...Stay posted, please! In the meantime, suffer through this filler post.

The base color for this is L'Oreal's Precious Coral. It's a very red orange. It's not my favorite color, but I'm sure it works for some people.As yo might be able to see, it's not super bright, but it's not a burnt orange either. It's a creme and applies pretty evenly. The color that I put on top is one coat of 9.0.2.1.Orange. Awful name, very sheer color, nice layering color. It's kind of a glass fleck, very similar to Zoya's Tanzy, I believe.

 This is Sinful Color's Minted. These were stamped using Konad-like plates. The color was a Chameleon color, don't remember what it is because I don't own it anymore. Chameleon is supposed to be all duochromes, I think, but this color was just really frosty. Don't recommend. They have other good colors, though. And it worked fine for stamping.

 Another stamping color! The base color is China Glaze Emerald Fitzgerald. And then just a white Konad nail polish and a nail plate. Gorgeous.

Yes, there's writing on my hand. The base color for this...Just a creme black, I think. Wet 'n Wild. Their black is actually pretty good. And the color that I used over it is that orange Wet 'n Wild color from above. The one with the awful name. I just did layers of it. It's sheer enough that it worked well.

I wore these when I was doing a recital and singing as Elphaba from Wicked. And no, I did not sound good--I wasn't a belter at all. But anyway, she's green, so I wanted to wear green. I just used tape to get the sharp lines. The base color is Emerald Fitzgerald by China Glaze again. And I think that the shimmer is 9.0.2.1.Orange again.

Wet 'n Wild Blue Wants To Be A Millionaire

A sparse, sheer light blue holographic nail polish. You can vaguely see my nail line, even though this is probably about four coats. fortunately, the nail polish is pretty watery, so it's easy to get thin, even coats. And the more coats, the more intense holo. The holo is very gritty, kind of like sand. It's not a bad nail polish, but it's not top notch.

 Zoya Kimmy.

Beautiful color. It's a bright saturated red with lots of golden flecks. You only need about two coats of this one. Looks great on the nails, looks great on the toes, very flattering. I don't even know what else to say about it. Totally recommend.

 Zoya Cassie.

Warm, medium pink. It has a very subtle glass fleck type of thing to it, but it's not shiny. Even when I apply topcoat it's pretty dull. I personally don't love this color, but it's not bad either. It's pretty thick, only needs a few coats, but it can get kind of gloppy. Just make sure you have a super-shiny topcoat to make it look it's best.

Okay, hope that you like some of these, and that this post wasn't totally annoying. NOTD posts are kind of boring, so maybe I won't do anymore. I just needed to get these out. I really want this blog to be mostly eye posts, because that's what I like the best. Feel free to request those!

Whisper Some Silver Reply

I know that it's been months, but I warned you about that.

I've been feeling inspired by one of my favorite musicals, Spring Awakening. The song lyrics have a number of colors in it, and I was inspired by the music. I'd like for this to be a series, but I don't know if that will ever happen. The first song is "The Guilty Ones". There's a line in it that says ...And whisper some silver reply. So I came up with this look. Sorry about the lighting, but I have an unsatisfactory camera situation.

 

• MAC Soft Ochre paint pot
• MAC Surf the Ocean pigment stack (the silver)
• NYX matte Black
• Wet 'n Wild You Had Me At Hello
• Urban Decay Gunmetal eyeshadow
• Urban Decay Creep eyeshadow
• Coastal Scents Warm palette
• Some Wet 'n Wild mascara
• Some Physicians Formula liquid eyeliner pen

 

Sorry there's no full face shot; I was too lazy to do this on more than one eye. It's hard enough for me to do symmetrical winged liner, much less thick, winged eyeshadow. Feel free to use makeup remover to make a sharp edge. Also, lining the edge with a light eyeshadow makes it pop more.

Do you like musicals?

2013 Christmas Tag!

Hey all! I was in the mood to do a tag today, and I haven't done one in a really long time, so I thought that I would just hop on google and look for a fun one. Then I found the 2013 Christmas Tag, and I thought that that would be a festive one to post right after Thanksgiving so here we go!

1.  Do you prefer a real Christmas tree or synthetic?

I personally love the look of real trees, so that's definitely what I'm partial to, but in my house we've only used a small synthetic one.  I kind of hate the smell of evergreen trees, though.  I still really wish that we used one.

2.  You're in a coffee shop, it's December, what do you pick?

I don't actually like coffee, but I still buy fun coffee drinks at Starbucks and the local coffee shop anyway. I try to get different things every time, I go, though.

3.  Whats your favourite colour scheme for decorating the tree?

I like have a few things that I like. I'm probably most partial to have red and gold, but silver and midnight blue are gorgeous. I just love sparkly things, too. We always go with our old things that we've collected throughout the years, so we always do random things.

4.  Giving or receiving?

I don't have any money, so I can't really get extravagant gifts, but I love putting them together. Getting the wrapping paper, doing the card, making the packaging special, because my mom always treats it like a chore. I always give my parents presents and write that they're from Santa.  It's fun. Of course, I love getting things, but you just feel so much more festive when you're making presents.

5.  To mince pie or not to?

My dad loves mince meat pie, but I've never layed a finger on it. In all honesty, I don't really like pie...I guess I just like really desert-y pies like chocolate. Mmm, chocolate.

6.  What's your traditional sunday lunch?

Er, we don't have one. My family actually isn't Christian, so we don't do anything like that. Not to say that we just do Christmas for the gifts, because my mom was raised Christian, but it's more just a family thing for the day than making anything out of Sunday.

7.  Christmas day fashion

I always wear my pajamas at home, but then when all the family gets together, I wear something nice but with all Christmas colors.

8.  What's your favourite Christmas song?

Well, I'm in choir, and we have a long Christmas set that we sing a million times throughout the year and our collective favorite song is White Christmas.  I really like that one. Other than that, I don't really know. Of course, I love the emotional ones like Christmas Shoes and Santa Bring my Soldier Home. (don't actually know if that's the real name, but I love that one.)

9.  What's your favourite Christmas film?

I actually haven't watched hardly any Christmas films! I don't have one! Tell me your favorite one and I'll watch it.

10.  Open presents before or after lunch?

Before. I'm the one that carries the holiday tradition in my house, so I wake up early and make breakfast for everyone and after breakfast we open all the presents.  Then we go to someone's house and all the family exchanges the last of the gifts. 

 

I tag everyone, since I wasn't officially tagged anyway...Enjoy and get festive!